Spinster – Book Review
“Tell me, what is it your plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
This is the closing quote from one the most thought-provoking books I’ve ever read, “Spinster: Making a life of one’s own” by Kate Bolick. In order to explain the effect, it’s had on me, I must do it a bit of injustice and try to summarize it. Kate walks her reader through the history of independent women and the ever-present struggle to maintain one’s identity while balancing the societal expectations and limitations around family and career. Starting with America in the 1800s and chronicling through to modern day, she colours in black and white images of real, pioneering women through the lens of her own personal search for independence, while challenging the invisible, yet tangible shackles that have prevented gender equality.
To say the book took me on an emotional, introspective journey of how I plan to live my own precious life is an understatement. I am incredibly affected by literature of every kind (save perhaps Garfield comics) and as cheesy as it is, I find a new perspective at every turn of every single page. As dramatic as it may sound, I know at the end of every book I will be a different person, so I must screen my literary picks carefully.
Kate’s attempt to define what it means to live an independent life is personally quite timely as this Road Warrior steadily approaches her 30s, heals from past heartbreak, sets up house in a new country, finds success in career, all while beginning to trust and follow her heart again. I’m discovering my true self, my sacred core, through travel and continuously operating outside of my proverbial comfort zone. The virtues of being alone keep adding up, I adore fending for myself, owing credit to no one and I secretly wonder if that will ever change.
With each chapter of Spinster, my views on relationships, marriage, career and children change. Early chapters had me convinced I should never marry and be a powerful career woman eternally on her own. Cue the image of a lone road warrior standing above a battlefield strewn with bodies of her lovers, friends, foes or anyone who dared to try and hold her back from her true purpose. But what’s the prize to be won?
Only a few pages later brought me back to the human reality of loneliness and my (perhaps primal) want for companionship and affection. Growing old, wrinkly, weak is something I’ve never done before – I’ve got no idea how to do it nor even prepare for it. Being an intentional outcast in this coupled world started sounding scary and unnecessary (I hoped).
Deeper still, it finally seemed entirely possible to find the elusive ‘balance’. After all, I am a part of a different generation, faced with new opportunities and experiencing cultural shifts never before fathomed by women before me. I felt optimistic for the first time – there must be a way to live independently, naturally, easily without pushing people away. With all due respect Mom and Dad, I adore your relationship and look up to you in so many ways, but the way you love each other just doesn’t exist anymore. If my generation’s women can crack the code, it will be the greatest breakthrough of the century. Move over Mars, we’re conquering Venus.
The book struck a deep chord and put into words what this independent woman has been wondering … is there another way to live my one “wild and precious” life? While I still don’t have any answers, as this book is not a golden prophesy, it instead served as an unmistakable, energizing call to action – 3 in particular that I believe every woman should embrace…
• We should strive to be described as wild, unapologetic and fearless
• We should actively seek out solo time regardless of relationship status. Single women are blessed (not cursed) with the plethora of free time to devote entirely as we see fit.
• We shouldn’t waste the most precious resources ever given- time. We all need to make
a deeply meaningful life plan and unwaveringly drive towards it.
Cheers to your own fantastic, wild and precious life!
Lisa the Road Warrior
