Tamar Centre empowering the women of Pattaya
Pattaya may not seem like a place that particularly empowers women. Far from it, bars and clubs are full of scantily clad women, whose purpose is to serve men.
What’s empowering about that?
It’s totally degrading and humiliating. It wipes out any self-esteem and self-worth they have. It’s a sad existence. These women have no choice, as they are often the sole financial providers for their families, consisting usually of parents, younger siblings and their own children.
They come to Pattaya to find bar work, often dazzled into thinking they will find love in the arms of a foreigner and all their financial woes will be over. That’s their ultimate goal. Yet before that happens she will go with many men, night after night.
She wants the life of the girl from the house next door in her rural village home. She’s found love with a foreigner and he’s built her family a house and bought them a car and a television and all the bills are taken care of. This is happening, yes, it’s true. But often the girls here in Pattaya don’t find love, they become hooked on alcohol and drugs, some self-harm. They are sad and lonely and bitter. The dream they set out to follow didn’t come true. They are naive, and often lacking in a decent education. Unaware of the true cost of what they seek and harm that they are doing to themselves. “Working” as we understand it, isn’t an option for these women as they feel the money they need to support their families will be easier and quicker to find working in a bar. Prostitution is an acceptable means to make money.
These women are predominantly from the Issan region of Thailand. The farming backbone of the nation where the people are poor and work, other than farming is scarce. Indeed, when some young girls have been asked as to what they want to do when they grow up, their answer is “marry a farang”. Because that’s what they have been told to do. Their mothers and grandmothers want them to do that. It’s considered the way out of poverty. The girl has a duty and a debt to repay, that debt is to her parents for bearing her and raising her and educating her. The issue is a complex one. Far too complex for me to explain here in this article. But know this, the women that leave their homes to work in these bars and clubs feel they have no choice.
They are indebted and desperate to provide for their families. And to prostitute themselves is the only way to do so. There are centres here that provide help and advice for these women, offering them hope, guidance and an education. Showing these women that there is a way out, an alternative. One such centre here in Pattaya is the Tamar Centre, which is part of the Project Life Foundation based in Bangkok. The founder is a Dutch woman in her late fifties called Nella Davidse. Her background is teaching and social care. She opened the centre where it’s stands today in 2005, but it has existed in other locations since the year 2000. The organisation is a Christian one, and faith is what guidesthis amazing woman. She felt compelled to help and do something that would make a difference to the lives of these poor vulnerable women. She saw that these women may seem all happy and smiling, laughing and giggling with whoever buys them a drink, the potential customer, but as she told me, they are broken inside. They are self-loathing and feel worthless. Nella saw this and was determined to help those that needed an escape from that life.
Initially she set about befriending some of the women working at the bars, offering them the chance to leave the work that they do. Which took months, but it paid off. She arranged parties and days out. Where the women could be themselves and “normal”. Where they could talk and be listened to. A programme of rehabilitation if you like, was formed, in exchange for a small salary, the women had to commit to it for three months. It consisted of teaching them baking, hairdressing and the making of greeting cards. The programme also includes some bible study and more importantly counselling. This offers hope and dignity, teaches forgiveness and nourishes their self-esteem. Nella sought to unlock the full potential of these women, it’s very obvious that what she does gives her immense joy and fulfilment. There is also a outreach centre based right in the heart of an infamous street full of bars here. Where the team approach the working women, and offer them escape. An audacious undertaking in my opinion, surrounded by the bars, their owners and of course the men that frequent them. But this seems to work as its run by ex-bar working women that have been through the Tamar Centre’s programme. These women have an affinity with the working women. They know what they are going through and so they are trusted and accepted.Nella has since handed over the day to day running of the centre to others and focuses on counselling. Addressing the emotional needs of these women is very much important to her.
One of those responsible for the day to day running of the centre is another amazing woman, aged only 27 years old. She has been associated with the centre for the last four years, her name is Alinda Ronje. She juggles working at the centre and being a mother. Her son is two years old and she is expecting her second child. Yet the energy she has is truly inspiring. Her focus is on helping these women and changing lives. She is responsible for the running of the bakery and restaurant which is on site and the teaching of baking skills. She works at the centre alongside her husband. As a young woman, new to Pattaya, Alinda too was struck by the scenes she had witnessed. The women working in the bars needed help, she felt they were helpless and emotionally distraught. The image shocked her initially but that only encouraged her to want to help and change their lives. Her and her husband both have strong faith and this drives them to do the work that they do, coming from a nursing and IT/business background respectively.
Alinda tells me that each woman’s three-month programme costs the equivalent of 1000USD. This includes salary, training, housing and food. The funding is received primarily via the bakery and restaurant, along with special orders for cakes etc. Other funding comes from individuals and organizations from overseas. The objective for the Tamar Centre is to help provide a basis for a new beginning, giving the women hope and aspiration in order to change their lives. I’m told by Alinda that the intake for the programme is quite low at the moment. But that doesn’t deter her it seems. They are happy to continue and help as many women that have the need. When speaking with these two amazing women, I tried to get an understanding of who they really are. What is it about them that makes them give so selflessly? It’s not just a “job” to them. It’s much much more than that. It’s a calling, a desire and a need. Yes, they receive an income from their supporters, enough to survive and to meet the cost of living. It’s a basic amount, so it’s not for the money, this type of work rarely is.
I am not religious so I don’t have a strong faith, perhaps I don’t quite understand. I drive myself. God doesn’t really enter into my daily life. But their faith is what drives them. It’s this that helps them help those less fortunate. The very basis of charity and Christianity. These two women, Nella and Alinda have given hope to many many women over the years. They have indeed empowered these women to change their lives. The selfless nature of their work is to be truly admired and I for one am in awe of what they have achieved. Yet I can’t help but feel who is empowering who here? The helpless souls of Pattaya have allowed Nella and Alinda to empower them and in turn they have empowered Nella and Alinda to do the work that they need to do.
Jess Thakkar was born in the UK to parents of Indian, East African origin. She followed her husband to Thailand in 2010. She is the president of Rayong Pattaya Ladies Circle, an expat women’s group based in Pattaya.
